Dresses and Drool and Things Quite Uncool

I was at the mall the other day with a friend, shopping. You know, as you do, at malls. In between shops, as we walked, I saw this girl walking in the opposite direction, facing us, wearing an absolutely gorgeous dress. I almost drooled. Which is a less crude, more realistic replacement of a phrase I probably use far too much; "I creamed in my pants"...

To clarify, the drooling was over the dress, not the girl. Although she was pretty, I guess. But then I'm not really into that kind of thing. By that I mean I save my drool for emo boys and anime characters Imeanwhat

but mainly my pillow when my mouth forgets to shut because I'm asleep, and my saliva's affected by gravity and all.

I only drool sometimes!

Anyway, I was admiring this chick's dress, like, a lot, when I realised she was looking back at me. And then I realised I was essentially looked at her body. So then I realised she probably thought I was checking her out. And much, much later I would realise that the smartest thing to have done at that point would have been to just look away. Unfortunately, I don't realise these things when I can still do them. I don't realise them until many hours too late, which is kinda bad.

So at this point in similar awkward situations I would usually try to help the other person understand my actions by speaking to whoever is with me, loudly, so that person can hear. For instance, usually I would have said to my friend, "Wow, I love that dress!" as she walked past.

Sometimes I even do the "pretend you're on the phone" thing...

I suck at life.

However, although the thought passed through my mind, for some reason I did not act on it. So, what did I do?

I continued to look at her dress.

Yes. That is exactly what I did. I tried to stop, really I did! But it was so pretty, so mesmerising! Like when I fall in love with a pair of high heels, but much much worse because someone was wearing this and it wasgiving bad impressions of me and I couldn't stop until she had passed us!

So somewhere around there is yet another girl who thinks I find females sexually appealing, and her, in particular. I save my drool for better things!

Not that women are inferior or anything.

By better I mean better for me.

I mean in my range of what I find attractive.

Not that there's a wide range.

OHGODWHYDOIEVENTRY

I don't suppose I've told you, but my life is hell.

I make it that way, tbh. Not that you'd know or anything. ;D